Sample Square Withholding and Generosity




The Marriage of Spirit

Enlightened Living in Today’s World

Chapter Eleven—Squares

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The Desire to Withhold:
For safety, protection, survival, punishment, to hoard, to control somebody else by withholding yourself, feeling that you don’t have enough to give away, belief in scarcity, unworthiness, I don’t feel like I’ve got a thing to offer, feeling of insecurity, desire to manipulate, to control, out of anger or fear, desire to be stuck or keep yourself in a rut, desire to stay asleep spiritually, desire to keep things hidden or unconscious, desire for secrecy, confusion, desire to maintain the status quo, can be kind of a power play, desire to avoid rejection (if you don’t flow yourself out into life, you’ll never know whether life is going to reject you), feeling of shame, desire to make a profit, desire to avoid humiliation, failure, disappointment, loss. [The problem is that when we withhold, we create those things, so our worst fear manifests.]

Fear of Withholding:
Fear of drama, fear of loneliness, death, abandonment, rejection, fear of having a closed heart, losing love (manifesting your worst fear), fear of no flow (which is death), fear of creating bad karma, fear of reprisal, punishment, hatred from others. Some part of us knows that when we withhold, everything will dry up—both inside and outside—so we’re very clever and just withhold as much as we think we can get away with. We know that if we overdo the withholding, life will spiral down for us, fear of creating tension (as in contraction), fear of disconnecting from God. We don’t want to be too close to God, but we don’t want to disconnect from God altogether. To maintain a self-image, or fear of losing your self-image. Nobody wants to be like Scrooge! Fear of being Scrooge. Fear of losing hope, hopelessness, fear of homelessness, worthlessness, fear of never realizing your potential, fear of going to Hell, fear of never knowing who you really are.

The Desire to Be Generous:
Desire to create flow, good karma, desire to be fulfilled, joyful, balanced, desire to create balance, pleasure, connection, desire to appreciate and to be appreciated, desire for validation, giving to be recognized, to be seen and get strokes, giving to look good, to get love, manipulation, desire to wake up, to evolve the soul, to fulfill one’s Self, to come to completion, desire for approval, to be appreciated, to be redeemed. We do all sorts of things to be redeemed without even knowing that we do them. Desire to create grace, desire to serve and alleviate the suffering of others. We have both noble reasons for being generous, and not so noble reasons for being generous. Desire to be a martyr, desire to be aligned with God, to realize God, fake generosity vs. real generosity.

Fear of Being Generous:
Fear of depletion, desolation, destitution, despair, fear of being exploited, fear of being beholden, fear of obligation, fear of appearing foolish. In this world of savvy and cynical people, generosity looks sort of cookoo. Fear of competition, fear of being used, fear of being suckered—of becoming someone’s doormat if you’re generous—fear of becoming someone with no boundaries (and, of course, it has nothing to do with boundaries), fear of enabling, fear of being unappreciated, rejected, taken for granted, fear of alienation, fear of not being seen for who you really are, fear of sticking your neck out. (Of course, you’ll never be seen for who you really are until you see yourself that way!) Feeling that being good is the right thing to do. Fear of God. There’s an instinctive understanding that generosity is the word we use to describe the flow, and by going there, we’re going to return to the Source; but the ego part of us doesn’t want to die, so fear of ego death goes in this corner. Lack of faith that generosity will come back to you and you’ll be left with nothing. Thinking, “I’m not going to give away the little that I have because it’s all I’ve got, and I’ll never have it replaced.” Fear of the Void.

Chapter Eleven—Squares


As soon as you concern yourself with the "good" and "bad" of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for [separation] to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you.
—Morihei Ueshiba